Lexi, Sammy, Chloe and Colby
Ah, they were so cute!
Of course every mama thinks their own babies are cute, don't they.
Like all babies, my babies were heaven sent. I will admit that I took for granted my first baby. We decided that we wanted to have one shortly after we were married . . . and lo and behold, we had one, with no effort. We were blessed with the prettiest baby girl I had ever layed my eyes on. She was such a fun, smart and lovable baby. She brought us such joy, that we decided we would have another one. When she was 2 1/2, we decided it was time. At least that is what we had planned. To my husbands delight, we started trying . . . and trying . . . and trying . . . and we kept that trying bit up for a couple of years.
Then, we realized something just wasn't right. Turns out, it was me. I went the infertility route. I was diagnosed with PCOS. I tried a few cycles of treatments with no success. It was a devastating blow to hear the doctor tell me that I had a slim chance to get pregnant on my own and even if I did, it would most likely end in a miscarriage. John still had hope and I didn't. There was a part of me that resented him for reassuring me that one day we would have more kids.
Fast forward a little while . . . we decided that we did want to add more babies to our family, so we started up the adoption process. It's a rather long story of ups and downs, more downs than up . . . that will need to be told another day (if I ever decide to). Long story short, we had two adoptions that after months in process fell apart. One was for a newborn baby boy in Guatemala. We were in process for over six months with him only to have it yanked out from underneath us. We were absolutely devastated. We loved this baby boy. We considered him ours even though we never met him. Then months later, we accepted a referral of a newborn baby girl in Guatemala. We were in process just a few months when we found out the case could not go forward. Another devastation.
While we were in the process of adopting, I did end up pregnant, twice. We thought wow, double the blessings! The blessings were cut short. I miscarried both times and both of the adoptions came crashing down.
Miraculously, about the same time we started up a third adoption for a little girl from Guatemala, we found out I was pregnant once again. Of course, with the previous experience, I was thinking, "you've got to be kidding me". I know those around me thought that I wasn't happy to be pregnant. I didn't show much emotion about it on the outside. On the inside, I was very excited, but extremely nervous. Our adoption continued on as did the pregnancy.
It was unreal. After 10 years of secondary infertility, it finally happened! Right on time, Sammy was born. He was such a cute baby. He looked just like an old man in a little baby body.
Months later, our adoption was finalized. Things don't always turn out the way we think they are going to. With out going into details (especially since many don't know this), we later made the decision to place her with another family here in the states. Another devastating situation. Even though it was our decision, it was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. She was ours & we loved her. I still think of her often, still will cry myself to sleep at times when I think of her & will always love her.
Jumping ahead, two years after Sammy was born, we had Chloe. She is our cute little petite, feisty stubborn child. Two years after Chloe, we had Colby. I would have to say he was somewhat of a surprise. My body finally remembered how to keep hold of a baby and apparently doesn't want to stop. Colby is now our final baby. He completes our family.
Our journey to have our babies was a long one, 15 years long. One filled with surprises & too much heartache. Maybe it was all in "the plan" for us to go the adoption route, to get our little girl to the right family for her, to eventually be blessed with the rest of our family after our job was done. Who knows really, but I can't wait to find out. That will be my first question once I die, no wait, my second question will be to find out the whys of it. My first question will probably be, "dude, what just happened"? :)